Sunday, May 26, 2013

Sing

I asked my mama if she has ever been so mad that she couldn't sleep or it made her feel sick. She said yes. What does she do when that happens? (I feel like my 5 year old as I ask these questions).  My sweet mama said, she's sings. It takes her mind off whatever it is. All I can think of are lyrics from songs such as, Lead Me by Sanctus Real, Just Give Me A Reason by Pink, Dance With Me by Orleans, Jar of Hearts by Christina Peri and Need You Now by Plumb. These lyrics are raw and describe how I feel. Some remind me of good times gone by, those happy days of us singing and dancing together at his dj gigs. At times we were the life of the party, showing everyone how to get out of themselves and have a good time. He drew me out of my insecure self. I was already an extrovert, but being married to him, helped my confidence and capacity to enjoy life.  One night in particular was just awesome. It was a wedding down in Truro. One of the best nights ever. But later that evening, it was clouded by deception and hurt.

Was it ALL a lie? Going without all the answers is one of life's greatest pains. A joke really, that we can know it all about another, have absolute confidence in our partner. Its something I've always wanted. Now I wonder if God isn't trying to get me to see that in Him. Children are so pure and can pick up on the simplest of concepts, can't they? My four year old boy said the other night, "Mama, you know who will never, ever, ever break my heart? God!" You are my right sweet child. I hold back and my heart hurts way too much at this second to grab ahold of that truth. I'm trying...

Lead Me by Sanctus Real
I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone"

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone"
 So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

 Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Just Give Me a Reason by Pink
Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them

Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh
Things you never say to me, oh, oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh, we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin'
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah, but this is happenin')

You've been havin' real bad dreams, oh, oh
You used to lie so close to me, oh, oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh, our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Oh, tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, oh, that we're not broken just bent 






2 comments:

  1. Love you Rachel. Thanks for your heart and honesty. - Jen T

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you Jen. What a treasure you are. Thank you for your words.

    ReplyDelete