Wednesday, May 29, 2013

A fist full of...

Its challenging...this very complex situation. Tonight, I find myself struggling with hatred. There was plenty of trepidation in writing this post because we're taught not to hate. And we shouldn't. But I wouldn't be human if I wasn't tempted. Then, there is the issue of putting matters on display. Journaling just isn't cutting it though. I. AM. ANGRY. Which translates to I'M HURT! And in all truth, there is nothing wrong with anger. We are called not to sin in our anger. That is the distinction. Seeing posts by my husband's new friends (his church friends) that are ignorant, doctrinally speaking, triggers that anger. I'm angry because they condone his behavior, which is simply unbiblical and hurtful to me and the children. Yet they uphold it like its the only way, their way I mean, to practice a walk with God. Its riddled with judgment. Isn't that anger, at times? Judgment. I need to feel what I'm feeling, but see the people and situation for what it is. Then chose to let go. God is the ultimate judge. (That's my belief). He says to leave vengeance to him. I'm pretty sure he'll do a better job at that than I could. Therein lies our deficiencies...I would withhold judgment from the hubs if better or different choices were made yet I so quickly and eagerly stand to condemn those party to his decisions. That doesn't make sense if I'm to follow the Judeo-Christian call to forgive. So, in all this, I have plenty to grow. Let me not be the first to throw a stone. Man, that's hard. I have a fist full of 'em.

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